You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
