I wish I could punch you in the face.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
