you would pick up someone in the library
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
