She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
