Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize