I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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