Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
