Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
