We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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