the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
there is glitter all over my balls
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
