I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I am available for nakedness
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
