I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
