This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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