the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
