I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize