Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just cropdusted the office
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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