Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
