So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
