there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
