i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
