why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
