guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
