Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My cat gives me a boner
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
