He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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