Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
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Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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