i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
