my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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