I wish my penis had an off switch
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
