thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
