how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
