Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Two words: blizzard sex
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
