I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
