Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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