Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
