i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
