So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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