You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize