I accidentally burped into my bong.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my being single is dangerous.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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