Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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