You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
