So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
