1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just forgot I was standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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