Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
