She is in my trunk
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize