I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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