those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
