I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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