i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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