So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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