You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
