shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
