Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
