Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
