he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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