In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
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Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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