shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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