But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
