Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
