You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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