Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
