Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
