I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
whose ass print is on the piano?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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