We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
