you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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