Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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