i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
