last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
