Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
