he puts the penis in happiness.
I've blown a few things in my day
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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