Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
