So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Can I color on your dick again?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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