so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
