i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
