you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
