I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
