see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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