ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
