my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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