yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
