i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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