my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
