It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
