So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
