girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
