The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
